I like music. A lot. If you know me, you're saying “Duh!”.
But in all seriousness, music is the most powerful tool at my
disposal for learning new things, connecting to others, and
expressing myself. It is also often through songs that Father
teaches me things or reinforces things I should already know but have
as of yet failed to grasp. One of those lessons that I have been
currently learning is that of trusting in God; being able to trust
that He is faithful, and that I can fully trust Him with every aspect
of my life - especially my uncertain future.
~~~~~~~~
Story Time:
Around Thanksgiving of 2011, my dear friend and I sat down for a
few hours and memorized all of the words to a song. Said song is
called
童话 (Tong Hua) which
translated into English means “Fairy Tale”. It is an incredibly
beautiful, sappy, sad, tear jerking Chinese love song. And I'm still
proud that we learned and memorized all of the words in the space of
a few hours, because my Chinese was pretty much nonexistent at that
point in time.
童话 became
'my' Chinese song after that as I prepared myself to go to China. I
listened to other Chinese songs, but this was the only one I really
truly knew. Every time I heard
童话
I became filled with excitement over my future journey to
China.
(side note:
童话 was
written in 2005 by Malaysian Chinese artist Michael Wong and is one
of those songs that pretty much everyone knows and loves).
Well, come August 2012, after a month studying in Beijing, I found
myself journeying by train to Harbin with my teammates where I would
live for the next 10 months. It was a long train ride that got us to
the Harbin train station at some ridiculously late hour. We were
exhausted, and had to haul our luggage up stairs to get out into the
night to get taxis to our school. I felt nervous, and was apprehensive
of pretty much everything at that point. As we emerged into the
night and marveled at the raucous crowds of people and the bright
neon Chinese signs I heard a song wafting out of some bar or club.
That song was
童话. I
exclaimed “I love this song” and hummed along, which elicited a
smile from Vincent, our Foreign Affairs Liason. And at that moment,
all of my fears and trepidations for the coming year ceased. It felt
like God was telling me, “You are home. Don't be afraid. This is
home. I am with you.”
Through the year in Harbin, I experienced many, many ups and
downs. Life was hard a lot of the time. But it was also really
rewarding.
童话 would pop up
occasionally. It was an initial source of bonding with a teammate.
I would pull it out to perform for and connect with some students in a restaurant, or
on a field, or at karaoke. I would hear it sometimes when walking on
the street. (It is still pretty popular even though it's not as
current. It's a classic.) It was like part of the background music
or playlist of my life.
Fast forward to June 20
th, 2013. My last day in
Harbin. I had been emotional for weeks. But this day was the
hardest by far. I had to say my final goodbyes to my students, my
campus, and my friends and leave the city that I had come to love
through the hardships of the year. As we all waited around in front
of our apartment building for the bus to come to take us to the train
station I stood in a circle with some of my students. After aimless
chatting and awkward silences someone said, “sing a song”. So we
sang “you are my sunshine” together, since I had taught it to all
my classes, and it was like our theme song. After it ended, someone
else said “sing a Chinese song”. So of course I pulled the only
Chinese song I knew out of my 'pocket' and started into
童话。
Just a few bars in, I looked around at my students and saw
tears escaping from some eyes, and then watched two students completely
lose it. I barely lasted past the end of the song before I was a
complete blubbering mess. Then I hugged each student goodbye and
sobbed my way onto the bus that would bring me to the end of my time
in Harbin.
~~~~~~~
It wasn't until months later as I was reflecting on China and
agonizing over my current life situation and my plans and hopes for
the future that it hit me.
童话 had
come full circle. As I entered Harbin, it was a promise that Harbin
would be my home, and that God would be with me through the whole
journey. As I exited Harbin, it was as if God was saying “
Do
you see? Do you remember? This place has become your home, just
as I promised. These students that you didn't even know 10 months
ago became people whom you loved and were loathe to leave. I was
with you when things were horrible, and I was with you when they were
great. I am faithful. I am always faithful.”
Tonight I Skyped with one of my teammates from China, and got to
share with her some of my current life story and the things I've been
learning since coming back from China. I know that I want to go back
to China in the future. And I also know that I need to stay in New
Jersey for at least another year for many reasons, and I am committed
to that decision. But it's scary. With that decision comes the
possibility and the fear that I have forever allowed the door to
return to China to close.
After I hung up, I proceeded to return to my Chinese language
studies that I had been doing before the call (I study Chinese at
most spare moments in my life in some way). And somehow they led me
to a video of
童话. I watched
the video and read the Chinese lyrics. I was at first just amazed by
how much of the Chinese I actually understood. And then it hit me
again. This is my promise/covenant song in everything regarding
China. God is faithful. If He wants me to go back, I will go back.
I have nothing to fear. He is with me in the sea of uncertainty that
is my life just as He was with me in Harbin. He is always faithful.
If you're interested, here's a link to the music video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOeFSgQEsMQ
And here's an English translation (it's not the best, but you can
get the general idea):
http://www.lyricsmansion.com/result_east/tong-hua-%28english-translation%29-lyrics-guang-liang.html