Faithfulness, Trust, and 童话

I like music. A lot. If you know me, you're saying “Duh!”. But in all seriousness, music is the most powerful tool at my disposal for learning new things, connecting to others, and expressing myself. It is also often through songs that Father teaches me things or reinforces things I should already know but have as of yet failed to grasp. One of those lessons that I have been currently learning is that of trusting in God; being able to trust that He is faithful, and that I can fully trust Him with every aspect of my life - especially my uncertain future.

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Story Time:

Around Thanksgiving of 2011, my dear friend and I sat down for a few hours and memorized all of the words to a song. Said song is called 童话 (Tong Hua) which translated into English means “Fairy Tale”. It is an incredibly beautiful, sappy, sad, tear jerking Chinese love song. And I'm still proud that we learned and memorized all of the words in the space of a few hours, because my Chinese was pretty much nonexistent at that point in time. 童话 became 'my' Chinese song after that as I prepared myself to go to China. I listened to other Chinese songs, but this was the only one I really truly knew. Every time I heard 童话 I became filled with excitement over my future journey to China.


(side note: 童话 was written in 2005 by Malaysian Chinese artist Michael Wong and is one of those songs that pretty much everyone knows and loves).




Well, come August 2012, after a month studying in Beijing, I found myself journeying by train to Harbin with my teammates where I would live for the next 10 months. It was a long train ride that got us to the Harbin train station at some ridiculously late hour. We were exhausted, and had to haul our luggage up stairs to get out into the night to get taxis to our school. I felt nervous, and was apprehensive of pretty much everything at that point. As we emerged into the night and marveled at the raucous crowds of people and the bright neon Chinese signs I heard a song wafting out of some bar or club. That song was 童话. I exclaimed “I love this song” and hummed along, which elicited a smile from Vincent, our Foreign Affairs Liason. And at that moment, all of my fears and trepidations for the coming year ceased. It felt like God was telling me, “You are home. Don't be afraid. This is home. I am with you.”




Through the year in Harbin, I experienced many, many ups and downs. Life was hard a lot of the time. But it was also really rewarding. 童话 would pop up occasionally. It was an initial source of bonding with a teammate. I would pull it out to perform for and connect with some students in a restaurant, or on a field, or at karaoke. I would hear it sometimes when walking on the street. (It is still pretty popular even though it's not as current. It's a classic.) It was like part of the background music or playlist of my life.




Fast forward to June 20^th, 2013. My last day in Harbin. I had been emotional for weeks. But this day was the hardest by far. I had to say my final goodbyes to my students, my campus, and my friends and leave the city that I had come to love through the hardships of the year. As we all waited around in front of our apartment building for the bus to come to take us to the train station I stood in a circle with some of my students. After aimless chatting and awkward silences someone said, “sing a song”. So we sang “you are my sunshine” together, since I had taught it to all my classes, and it was like our theme song. After it ended, someone else said “sing a Chinese song”. So of course I pulled the only Chinese song I knew out of my 'pocket' and started into 童话。 Just a few bars in, I looked around at my students and saw tears escaping from some eyes, and then watched two students completely lose it. I barely lasted past the end of the song before I was a complete blubbering mess. Then I hugged each student goodbye and sobbed my way onto the bus that would bring me to the end of my time in Harbin.

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It wasn't until months later as I was reflecting on China and agonizing over my current life situation and my plans and hopes for the future that it hit me. 童话 had come full circle. As I entered Harbin, it was a promise that Harbin would be my home, and that God would be with me through the whole journey. As I exited Harbin, it was as if God was saying “Do you see? Do you remember? This place has become your home, just as I promised. These students that you didn't even know 10 months ago became people whom you loved and were loathe to leave. I was with you when things were horrible, and I was with you when they were great. I am faithful. I am always faithful.”


Tonight I Skyped with one of my teammates from China, and got to share with her some of my current life story and the things I've been learning since coming back from China. I know that I want to go back to China in the future. And I also know that I need to stay in New Jersey for at least another year for many reasons, and I am committed to that decision. But it's scary. With that decision comes the possibility and the fear that I have forever allowed the door to return to China to close.


After I hung up, I proceeded to return to my Chinese language studies that I had been doing before the call (I study Chinese at most spare moments in my life in some way). And somehow they led me to a video of 童话. I watched the video and read the Chinese lyrics. I was at first just amazed by how much of the Chinese I actually understood. And then it hit me again. This is my promise/covenant song in everything regarding China. God is faithful. If He wants me to go back, I will go back. I have nothing to fear. He is with me in the sea of uncertainty that is my life just as He was with me in Harbin. He is always faithful.






If you're interested, here's a link to the music video:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gOeFSgQEsMQ


And here's an English translation (it's not the best, but you can get the general idea):


http://www.lyricsmansion.com/result_east/tong-hua-%28english-translation%29-lyrics-guang-liang.html