No Storm

Well, friends, here we are. I leave for the airport in about 18 hours. So that means in 18 hours I will embark on 3 hours (at least) of riding in a car, several hours of standing in lines, being searched, sitting in a waiting area, getting on a plane, 6 hours of flying to LA, some stressful minutes of retrieving my luggage, checking my luggage through to Beijing, about 9 hours of meeting teammates and entertaining ourselves in the airport, 14+ hours of sitting on a plane chatting, watching movies, attempting to sleep, eating, attempting to sleep again, arriving in Hong Kong, transferring flights, sitting on a plane for 3 hours, and finally, arriving in Beijing! (Yes, that is a horrendous run-on sentence, and no, I don't really care right now!)

The adventure I have been preparing for since October is finally actually almost here. If you've never been preparing to live in another country for a year, you may be wondering what I'm feeling. Let me tell you.

“ExcitednervousscaredanticipatoryI'mgoingtomisseveryoneIcan'twaittomeeteveryonenewwhatdidIgetmyselfintoIcan'twait!”

Take a moment to decipher that, and you will know that I am flooded with a whole lot of different emotions right now. As my emotions threaten to swell up and overwhelm me I am reminded of words to a song which I have always loved and which we happened to sing in Fellowship this morning:

“No storm can shake my inmost calm while to that Rock I'm clinging. Since I believe that Love abides, how can I keep from singing?”

I'm clinging to that Rock pretty desperately right now. So, here goes!

中文 (Chinese)

As soon as I found out I was definitely going to China I knew I wanted to start learning to speak Chinese right away. Not only would learning Chinese aid in my survival, but it would also help me have real communication with my students and other Chinese people. I was blessed with an amazing gift of the Rosetta Stone software and have been studying for the past six months.

Now, I really like this software, and, I'm biased, but if you're going to learn another language from a software and you can afford it, I recommend it. The way it is structured forces you to learn from making inferences by looking at pictures rather than translating. That way if you see something or can picture it in your head, you can describe it off the bat (providing you've learned the vocab and grammar for it).

In the end, though, the lessons by themselves are still computerized lessons and lack some of the real-life communication aspects. That is why I love that each unit ends in a session with a live native speaker and other learners all in Chinese. Also known as real language learning.

For me, these sessions are terrifying because I'm a perfectionist and I fear making mistakes. I had scheduled a session for tonight (my fourth) which I almost cancelled because I didn't feel like I knew all of the vocab and grammar perfectly from the last unit. Then, a little bulb went off in my head and I thought “Erin, your students will probably feel the same way. If you don't practice speaking Chinese because you are afraid, how can you expect your students to practice English?” So, I did it. And I am so glad.

The teacher was so kind and patient with us, her two students, and we engaged in genuine, albeit broken, conversation in Chinese. The three of us laughed and joked our way through talking about buying different things, (or not buying, as our 钱包是空的 (wallets are empty) and things like 首饰很贵 (jewelry [are] expensive) :) ). I observed my teacher using foreign language teaching techniques which I only today read about in my textbook. And I got to talk to my teacher about how I am going to Harbin to teach English. At the end of the session, after she told us both how good our Chinese was, she asked me why I was going to teach English in China, as opposed to another country, like Japan. In my limited Chinese I told her all of the truth I could. “因为我爱中国”. Because, I love China. She was very happy!

And it is really so true.  I love China.  I love Chinese people.  I cannot wait to meet my students, or our dorm mother, or the school officials, or the guy who sells fruit down the street. I am so ready to go.

(So now it's just days of all the things I'm not ready in, like packing, homework, goodbyes, etc.) :)

13 days!!

～爱琳～

Lists

Today was a day of lists and lessons.

I like lists. Lists make me feel organized and in control. Lists give me motivation to do things so I can check them off. Lists remind me of the pressing tasks I HAVE to do.

For example, I made myself a list for today that went something like:

-read this book,

-write this paper,

-read these articles, etc.

Here's what my list should have looked like so I could actually have checked things off:

-Play a lot of piano

-Read 2 chapters of book and journal about it

-Make an awesome mushroom quesadilla

-Go to a BBQ at a stranger's house and sit by a lake for 2 hours

-Complete a challenging logic puzzle

-Go out on a boat to see some amazing fireworks

-Try to not be thrown into the water as the waves try to overturn the boat

As you can probably tell, my plans for the day did not quite match up with reality. The list part of me wants to be upset about that and make me anxious. I have a considerable amount of work to do and not a lot of days left to do it. However, life rarely goes according to plan, so I'm just going to go with it. If I stand and shift weight with the waves like I did on our storm-tossed boat tonight then it's okay. I think this mindset is probably good preparation for life in China where nothing will fit my plans and expectations.

22 days until I leave for China!

But for now I need to make a couple more lists and get some things done! :-P

～爱琳～

{Insert Witty Title Here}

So you may be wondering what exactly I've been doing with myself. It's been over a month since my last blog and, I promise, I haven't dropped off the face of the planet. (Also, I'm apparently really lazy today as I failed to think of a title for this post)

I have in fact graduated college and, whether I like it or not, I survived the experience. The transition and the realization that there's a lot of people I won't ever see again has been difficult, but day by day I'm making it through.

So here's what I have been doing with my life:

1) Finding out my China placement! I will be in Northeastern China, Heilongjiang Province teaching university students in the city of Harbin. That probably won't mean much to you, so if you're interested check this out! If you don't feel like checking it out know this one thing. It is very, and I mean VERY cold there in the winter. I've been mentally preparing myself for how cold it is actually going to be.

2) My best friend's bridal shower! She's getting married in a week and a half! What!?

The tea and dessert table from the shower. Yum!

3) Reading and writing papers for my assignments for the grad courses I will complete once I get to China.

Can't tell if I'm excited or scared! And, no, I'm not licking the book...

4) Trying to enjoy this time of rest and relaxation as I probably won't ever have so much again in my lifetime.  I've even been brushing up on some of my Debussy.  It's not sounding half bad even though I haven't played it for years!

5) Trying not to panic about how much I still have to do before I leave for China in 40 DAYS! That's soon people.

～爱琳～

How

So, I'm in denial about the fact that I'm graduating in one day. I just don't feel ready. I wanted this week to be filled with meaningful time with people, and it totally was in part, but there was also so much of my time taken up by rehearsals and packing and just trying not to be stressed. Everybody keeps asking me “Are you ready to graduate? Are you excited about graduating?” 

 Frankly, the answer is “No!” I don't feel ready to leave Messiah. Messiah has been my home for the past 4 years. My friends and my professors have been my extended family. How am I supposed to say goodbye to all of these people? How am I supposed to leave music ensembles which, though sometimes contributing to it, have been the main outlet for my stress? I may never in my life have another opportunity to sing with a choir that is amazing in so many ways I can't put it into words. Honestly, it hurts.

Don't get me wrong. I am excited about the future. I am excited about China, about teaching, and about what Father will do through me. But I am also pretty scared as well. Today was one of those days where I was reminded of everything I will be leaving behind: friends, family, choir, teaching music, my school Fellowship...I keep thinking of how in a few months I will be an English teacher. I ask myself, “How am I going to do this?”...and it's not just teaching English, but, “how do I be a good teacher if my students don't try, or cheat because they don't understand what I've taught, or how do I show patient love when things aren't going well, or whatever crazy situation may come my way?”

How am I supposed to do these things?!? HOW????

I CAN'T. I can't muster up the strength to say goodbye to the people and places I love. I can't love or teach well of my own accord. I just can't.

BUT, I know I have a Father who can. I'm glad I don't have to answer all these “hows” on my own because I would probably fall to pieces. By His strength I will do these or whatever things come my way and to Him be the glory. I will lean on Him. That is the only thing I CAN do.

Surprises

I am a student teacher at a high school. I am teaching choral music as well as a class on music theory and history. I absolutely love it. I love teaching music, and trying to inspire a love for singing, the beauty of music, and a wonder for how Western music has evolved in my students. What I think I love most, though, is my students and the things they will say or do that completely surprise me.

Here's a couple of examples:

I'm walking down the hallway in the morning. I see and greet a student who is normally pretty subdued. I expect a simple “good morning” back. What I actually get is “Miss Smidt!! Did you cut your hair!?!? It looks so cute!”

I am sitting at my desk doing work in the morning during planning period. One of my students walks into the room with a friend. I greet them.

Student: “Miss Smidt! Are you wearing cute shoes today?!”

Me: “Um...I don't know...do you think they're cute?”

Student: “Oh yeah. Those are cute. Can my friend take a picture of them?”

I am leading warm-ups in Chamber Singers. One of these warm-ups involves throwing an imaginary ball and following it with your voice. We “threw the ball” like a good high school football player, a pro football player, and a 3-year-old. Then for some stupid reason unbeknownst to myself I said “throw the ball like I would throw it...careful with this one!”

One of the young gentlemen responded in a good-natured fashion: “Miss Smidt, how is that any different from what we just did?” (meaning the 3-year old version)

Someone told him to “shut up”.

I laughed inside and moved on....he did have a good point.

These are just a few little stories I could think of right now. I can't believe I only have 2 weeks left with these students! I am going to miss working with them so much. They are mostly all wonderful young people who are so fun to teach.

And then after this I'm getting ready to teach in China, where my students will surprise me in even more ways than I can imagine! What!?! Where is the time going!!??

Peace,

爱琳

Change

I figured it was time for a new blog post! It's been awhile...sorry!

There are a lot of changes coming up in my life! For example:

      In one day I begin student teaching

      In 103 days I graduate college

      In 152 days I watch my best friend get married

      In 183 days I get on a plane to go to China

I'm sure these are just some of the many changes that are coming my way. It can be a bit overwhelming at times, and I have to constantly remind myself to breathe, take things one day at a time, and enjoy the present moment instead of dreading or looking forward to the changes of the future.

A song by Keith and Kristyn Getty that we sang at chapel this past week has been a great help in assisting in this reminder. I've probably listened to it or sung it about 50 times since then! The first line says:

“Still, my soul be still and do not fear though winds of change may rage tomorrow. God is at your side no longer dread the fires of unexpected sorrow.”

You should check out the whole song here.

Peace,

爱琳