Gifts

If your love language is gifts, you would feel very loved here. (Or if it's words of affirmation, but that's a topic for another day).

My love language, however, is not gifts.  So, though I feel loved when I receive gifts from people to an extent, mostly I feel awkward and confused.  (This is, of course, excepting birthdays and other holidays where gifts are expected).

I can't even tell you the number of times that I have just been walking around campus and a student I even vaguely know sees me, runs over, and shoves a small gift in my hand.  Usually, it's food.  One time I got off a bus with another teacher, and my student saw us and shoved bottles of juice into our hands, smiled, and said goodbye.  Another time I was in the cafeteria.  I saw a student, waved hello, and then sat down at my table.  Next thing I know, she comes up from behind, hands me a bottle of milk tea, smiles, and walks away.

Chinese people also bring gifts when they come to your house.  I'm usually better at handling this one since I expect it.  Fruit is a very common gift.  Here's what I received from some students who came over last night:

A bag of tangerines, and a box of milk

I am also frequently given gifts in class.  When I walk around at the beginning of class to talk to students, often someone will say, "Here, Teacher!  Take this!" and a piece of candy, or bread, or tofu strip seasoned with zi ran will be shoved into my hand.  I always try my best to refuse the gift, but inevitably it gets put into my hand, or my mouth.  Today in class I was given two pieces of candy, and was made to take a bite of a roasted sweet potato (which was delicious, by the way).

Culturally, I am almost always confused when these things happen.  In America, students don't just randomly give you things like this.  What student after class goes up to their teacher and says "Here, have this chocolate" and then walks away without even waiting for a "thank you"?  No student, that's who. 

My initial response, as an American, is to thank the other person profusely for the gift (as we like to say "thank you" a lot).  Chinese people do not say thank you nearly as much as we do.  So I say thank you and get the Chinese version of "you're welcome" which is "no thanks", or "it doesn't matter".  Culturally, from my perspective, they're not looking for thanks when they give a gift.  That's really difficult for me.  I never know how much I'm supposed to say thank you, if at all.  I often am oblivious as to what to do or say, so I just hope that I don't offend anyone by any action or inaction I do when receiving a gift, and can play the "dumb foreigner" card if I do.

I dare you to randomly give someone (like a teacher or coworker) a small gift this week.  Don't plan the gift too much.  Think in the moment.  Let me know how that goes.  I'm betting they'll be pretty surprised.